Recently Asked Questions
Q: I am a media studies lecturer at (leading ivy league university).
I am interested in cross fertilising ideas with the head of philosophy.
I have tried telling him that I have a regular prime time slot and
I'm looking for a suitable adventure programme to fill it, but I
don't seem to be scoring any ratings. What should I do?
A: You're too much concerned with your own needs
and not enough with his. You must talk his language and try to be
less direct. Philosophers like to take things a little more slowly.
It's important to work on your fore-Plato, so to speak. Practise
a few useful phrases:
- Nice Aristotle...
- I'm passionate about Sophocles:
May I see yours?...
- Fancy a bit of Kant?...
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Q: I’m 59, balding with a paunch and I’d like
to become a gigolo before I’m too old. Are there any
openings? I don’t mind not getting paid for it – in
fact I’ll pay
A: If the gigolo fantasy floats your boat that’s fine
but what you need to do is get out there and meet someone. Join
an internet dating site, jump in and before you know it you’ll
meet someone to act out with you.
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Q: I’m a long distance lorry driver and I have become
very attached to the lady in Betty’s Buns. How do I make
the first move? As yet I’ve only got as far as asking
her for a tart with my tea which I think she misunderstood and now
avoids me.
A: God, these questions are so English. Tell her you’d
like to take her out to dinner. At least you’ll find
out where you stand and then you can move on.
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Q: Can you give me a list of aphrodisiacs? My girlfriend
says expensive cars, designer dresses and diamonds are the best but
I’d like some cheaper sure fire options.
A: Aphrodisiacs are baloney. Your girlfriend sounds
a bitch. Dump her.
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Q: I find myself strongly attracted to curtains, not net ones
or blinds, just the long plush velvet kind with a loose linen backing. Is
this normal? If so can you recommend a group I can join where
we can perhaps swap curtains with each other.
A: What do the curtains represent for you? Be honest,
it could be your mother’s skirt or your father’s skirt
for that matter. But it’s time to stop hiding behind
them.
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